


A Shout into Silence

by matteo-shreibner (alimacbrux)



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Deaf Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22257727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alimacbrux/pseuds/matteo-shreibner
Summary: Arthur hits a breaking point over his hearing and decides to escape to the place he went with his friends a few weeks ago... Only he isn't alone.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury & Arthur Broussard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 60





	A Shout into Silence

It had been over three weeks now since his hearing was almost fully gone. Every day he woke up, Arthur hoped for some sign that his hearing was back: the distant sound of dishes clanging, footsteps outside his door, his parents talking in the kitchen… But every day, now, Arthur woke up to the very same silence he woke up to lying on the cold damp ground of the alleyway a few weeks back. Every day he was forced to confront the fact that he still couldn't hear the rest of the noisy world he lived in.

He remembers vividly the day he lost the hearing in his left ear over 2 years ago, the way it felt like someone had flipped a switch in his brain and no sound was entering on that side. One moment, he could hear everything clearly and then in the next terrifying moment, half of it was stripped away. 

As the days trailed on silently, resolutely, dismally, he felt himself moving farther and farther away. He could feel himself inching away from the rest of the world, drifting to a separate planet, another universe away from everything else he used to know. Sure, his friends were still around and still tried their hardest to include him in everything, but _it wasn't the same._ He still felt like he was standing on the other side of a glass wall, looking in at the rest of the world, unable to know what they were saying properly. 

Arthur felt himself snap one evening as he stared at the endless crosses on his calendar, marking out exactly how long it had been since he could hear. With tears burning his eyes and a sob working its way in the back of his throat, Arthur tore the calendar off the wall, throwing it angrily across the room. He watched it hit the wall and slide down, landing haphazardly with the crossed out pages lying supine and mockingly up at him. 

Moving closer to the precipice, Arthur slipped out of the house without his parents noticing, without another word.

He pulled his olive green jacket closer around himself, pulling the hood up to hide his face as he hurried along the pavement. The bright lights blinded him slightly and the winter breeze tickled his skin. He was only partly aware of where his feet were carrying him, letting them guide him towards an unknown end. 

As time rolled on and the sky grew darker and darker, Arthur began to recognise the buildings around him even more. He knew exactly where he was heading and picked up his pace, looking over his shoulder every few seconds as he was forced to go through a side alley in order to get there. The pavement under his feet was harsh against his heavy footsteps, wobbly on loose stones.

Finally, Arthur reached a small clearing of trees overhanging a beaten down gravel trail. Pushing aside a low hanging branch, Arthur stepped into the clearing and made his way along the narrow path until he reached a large abandoned storage unit of sorts. It was completely empty apart from a couple of stray bottles of alcohol and small bits of rubble, the only sign of life being the graffiti adorning the walls. Arthur crossed the small building and back out into an open courtyard of sorts, crossing towards yet another abandoned building. 

However, by the time he got there, Arthur realised it wasn't as abandoned as he thought. 

Just as he was about to step through the clearing, he saw the unmistakable flash of a camera near the far side of the wall. Arthur paused, holding his breath to wait for any other movement. Another flash, this time slightly closer. Whoever was taking pictures was getting closer and closer to the entrance, closer and closer to Arthur. 

Arthur was just about to turn around and leave, make his way back home, when he caught sight of the person taking the photos. 

Squatting with a black camera and a familiar large black hoodie was none other than Arthur's good friend Eliott Demaury. 

Arthur moved across the threshold finally and Eliott, engrossed in his camera as he was, startled slightly, falling backwards in fright and landing on his butt on the concrete floor. "Shit!" he exclaimed, holding onto his camera for dear life and looking up at Arthur. His face moved from shocked to relieved to concerned in less than a second. "Arthur!" Eliott shouted, quickly scrambling to his feet with his cheeks flushed a vibrant pink shade. 

"Sorry! I wasn't expecting to run into you here," Arthur said, holding his hands up and smiling apologetically. "I-I can just go if you like—" he began, pointing his thumb over his shoulder and turning his body towards the exit. He never should have come here in the first place, or at least should have left when he saw that Eliott was there. He was clearly busy and Arthur was just getting in the way. 

Eliott shook his head quickly and said something Arthur couldn't quite catch. As if reading his mind, Eliott's eyes widened almost comically and he slapped his forehead. He held one of his fingers up and mouthed—or more likely _said_ , Arthur realised too late— "One second." Eliott pulled his camera off and shoved it inside his backpack which was sitting in the centre of the room, fumbling around the depths of the bag for a moment. Finally, Eliott's hands reappeared from inside the bag, his left hand clutching his mobile phone. 

Arthur watched as Eliott typed something quickly into the notes app of his phone, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Without another word, Eliott passed the phone to Arthur, fixing him with a worried-looking frown. Arthur cleared his throat and read what was written on the screen:

_are you okay? you look… off._

Arthur passed the phone back. "I'm fine. I just wanted to come back here since it was fun last time I came here," Arthur replied dismissively, hoping Eliott would simply believe him. Although, a small part of himself almost hoped Eliott could read him and would just _know_. But he wasn't sure he was ready for that kind of vulnerability. 

Eliott typed something once again and passed the phone back. 

_are you sure? i know what "fine" looks like and it doesn't usually look like this_

"Gee thanks." 

Eliott's eyes widened again, somewhat frantic as he pulled the phone back. "That's not what I meant!" he said, thumbs moving furiously over the keyboard.

i just mean that if you need to talk about it, you can. i can tell that something is bothering you and believe me, i know what it's like to want to talk about something that i held in for ages

Arthur's vision began to blur with tears as he read over Eliott's message once, twice, three times. Of course Eliott would understand. Arthur looked up at Eliott, tears stinging his eyes and clinging to his eyelashes. Arthur flailed slightly, trying to come up with the right words to convey what he wanted to say without sounding stupid or confusing. As he began to speak, he was interrupted by a small sob and suddenly found himself buried in Eliott's embrace. 

Arthur broke down completely, clutching onto the back of Eliott's sweatshirt while he felt Eliott's hand rubbing up and down his back in a soothing fashion. Arthur tucked his face into his shoulder, soaking the dark fabric as his whole body shook with the tears he had been holding in for weeks– _months_ even. Like a pot set to boiling point, the lid bursting off with the pressure of it all as everything became entirely unbearable. With one small hug from his friend, Arthur finally allowed himself a release, finally let himself let go as he cried into Eliott's shirt. 

After a couple of minutes standing in the middle of the emptiness of the big storage space, Eliott pulled back, tapping Arthur on the shoulder to get his attention. He gestured towards a small ledge at the side of the room and led him over to it, sitting down next to him. Arthur took a gulping breath of the freezing cold air around them and leaned back against the graffitied wall of the building. He distantly noted the familiar orange message he himself had sprayed a few weeks ago, just next to where they sat together now. 

Eliott tapped his elbow, holding out his phone which Arthur hadn't even noticed Eliott was typing on again.

_do you want to talk about it? or we can just sit here, if you like._

Arthur sighed heavily as he handed the mobile back. Eliott didn't say anything, simply sliding his phone into the pocket of his hoodie and watching Arthur thoughtfully. Arthur could feel him reading his every look, watching his facial expressions like he could read his thoughts from every change, every twitch, every blink. But somehow, Arthur didn't feel as uncomfortable about it as he might usually. 

"I'm just sick and tired of this. Of everything," Arthur started, gesturing vaguely around himself, "Nothing feels the same anymore. I just feel so alone even when you are all around me. And even though you guys try to include me as much as you can, it's not the same anymore and I just feel like such an outsider. I keep waking up hoping my hearing will be back to normal but every day it still isn't and… and I just hate it. I'm so tired of feeling like some sort of alien because of this fucking thing with my ears!

"And I can never talk about it with anyone because my dad chooses not to believe me even though he's a fucking surgeon. He wants me to be just like him, all perfect and smart and, fuck, everything I'm _not,_ " Arthur rambled, using his hands instinctively, gesturing madly. Eliott was watching him closely, nodding to show he was listening. "He wants me to be a surgeon too and I thought I did too, but now I'm not so sure. And I feel like I've disappointed both of my parents for being like this and I'll be even more of a fuck up if I don't become a doctor like they've _always_ wanted me to be. I'm not their perfect little boy anymore and I don't think I have been for a long long time…" 

Eliott frowned, pulling his phone out to write something in reply once again.

_i'm sure they're not disappointed in you. and certainly not for having a disability._

Arthur shook his head. "That's the thing! My dad makes it very clear that I disappoint him daily. And before I lost my hearing, he was always so uptight about every little test mark and always making sure I never slipped up for anything," he replied, "I can't do anything right, especially now. I can't hear what anyone is saying to me and the only way anyone can actually talk to me is through the fucking Notes app or texting and I just feel like such a burden." Eliott gave him a look and started to type again but Arthur pushed his hand away. "I know, I know, you don't care that you have to do this, but _I do._ I feel bad that everyone has to put extra effort in just to include me in a simple conversation. I hate when someone says something aloud and everyone else laughs and I don't understand it because I didn't hear it. I hate that I'm constantly just stuck in this silence when everything else in the world is so loud, but I can't even hear most of it.

"You guys are all so willing to help me out and it makes me feel like such a burden on everyone else. Everything is just so fucked up it makes me want to just _scream_ ," Arthur explained, voice nearly hoarse from talking so much. He hardly talked anymore, hating the fact he had to put extra effort just to hear himself speak. 

Eliott passed the phone back again.

_so why don't you?_

When Arthur turned back to Eliott, eyebrows knitted together in confusion, he was wearing a devilish, almost challenging smile. He took his phone away from Arthur and slid it back inside his jacket as he got to his feet. He gestured for Arthur to follow and they walked back out into the open space between the different storage units. Still smiling, he gestured around them. 

"I'm sorry… I don't get it." 

Eliott pointed his finger and seemed to clear his throat. And then, closing his eyes, Eliott opened his mouth and shouted out into the night. Arthur stumbled back in surprise as Eliott seemed to shout from the very bottom of his toes, voice carrying all the way around them in an echo of himself. When he opened his eyes once again, he gestured to Arthur, urging him to do the same.

Without a second thought, Arthur grinned just as wide as Eliott was doing and screamed as loud as he could. Eliott joined in again and suddenly the two boys were standing out in the middle of an abandoned industrial estate, shouting out into the darkness like absurd birds shrieking into the sky. 

"SHOUT SOMETHING!" Eliott shouted, turning to him, still beaming. 

"LIKE WHAT?" 

"ANYTHING!" Eliott replied. He turned his face up to the night's sky and shouted, "I'M AFRAID OF FAILING!"

"I'M AFRAID OF DISAPPOINTING MY FAMILY!"

Eliott glanced at him, tilting his head. "I'M AFRAID OF HURTING LUCAS EVERY DAY!"

Back and forth, Arthur and Eliott screamed their innermost thoughts and fears for the all the stars above to hear. They shouted anything and everything, holding back nothing as they shouted about anything from fears to stupid jokes to random swears. Arthur's voice was beginning to crack and fray at the edges from screaming so much, burning slightly as it grew more and more hoarse with every scream into the void. 

But Arthur didn't even care. 

Arthur didn't care that he was losing his voice. He didn't care about anything besides the stars twinkling above them, watching over the two boys as they listened to the words they said. They were just two boys who were both slightly broken, just a little cracked at the edges, shouting their fears for the universe to hear. As the moon shined down on them, the man in the moon seemed to smile at their antics, as if it could truly hear them. Logically, Arthur knew it was absurd to think. How could the moon, which was just a big rock spinning around the earth, actually hear their shouts, no matter how loud? How could the void, so big and encompassing, possibly care about mortal fears such as dying or the dark? 

As Arthur and Eliott finally stopped shouting, both of their throats aching and both panting from shouting nonstop for 15 minutes, they fell onto the cool stone ground and looked up at the night's sky. As they laughed at whatever just came over them, Arthur grinned up at the lights in the sky which seemed to wink just for them. Arthur felt his own sort of star building up inside his chest, a great fiery light waiting to burst in the form of a grin as he turned back to Eliott. 

Eliott handed the phone to him, sighing breathlessly.

_you know, i think that was the best idea ever, if i do say so myself._

Arthur laughed, nodding and passing back the mobile. "Fuck yeah it was. I've never felt better!" Arthur replied with enthusiasm.

The conversation fell once again and they continued to lie like that, silently, thoughtfully, both of them staring up at the wide open sky as the stars twinkled and the moon glowed down on the rest of the world. In the midst of a city full of noise, they had somehow found a pocket of silence where everything else was quiet as well. 

Arthur felt an elbow in his side just as he was closing his eyes, still smiling with relief. He turned towards Eliott who was holding up his phone again. He fumbled slightly as he reached for it, almost dropping it onto his face as he tried to read it.

_You know, you're not alone. It might feel like that sometimes, but you aren't. And if you ever feel like screaming mindlessly into the sky again or just talking about it, I'm here. And so is everybody else. I mean that._

"For fuck's sake, Demaury. Stop making me cry tonight," Arthur teased, sitting up and handing the phone back, wiping a loose tear from his eyelash with the back of his hand. Eliott laughed and sat up as well, smiling softly and resting his head on Arthur's shoulder. "But seriously. Thank you, man. Not just for that message but for everything else, too. It means a lot to me," Arthur said seriously, tilting his head slightly so he could rest his cheek on top of Eliott's head where it was still against his shoulder. He watched the words appearing on Eliott's scream as he typed, could feel the movement all the way up his arm and into his cheek.

_it's no problem. I know you would do the same for me. :) <3_ Arthur sighed again, tilting his head to look back up at the sky.

Looking up at the familiar starry night, throat dry and the ground cold, Arthur was certain of one thing. In that one moment of clarity and serenity, far below the heavens and sitting in the middle of a dingy old industrial estate with another guy, Arthur knew that out of everything else he had to worry about in his life, finding people that cared and were there for him completely unconditionally was not one of them. 


End file.
